


Your Memory’s the Fight in My Veins

by ironspidey37



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Violence, References to Depression, Sad, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-09-06 04:47:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16825441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironspidey37/pseuds/ironspidey37
Summary: Seth knows he deserves this. Being hurt, and alone. He knows he deserves nobody, because why would anybody want someone like him?But he's fine. Because Dean is fine..he's not alone, he's loved. And he deserves that.Because Dean deserves everything.And Seth deserves nothing.But that's not what Dean thinks..





	1. Drown in Your Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic! And my first ever Ambrollins fic!! and yeah it starts off with Dean/Renee but i promise it won't stay that way ;) ssoooo hope you enjoy!
> 
> This is set after the events that transpired on RAW Nov. 19, 2018.
> 
> Also, the title is from Parkway Drive - A Deathless Song..
> 
> and most of the chapters are gonna be lyrics from songs..just so ya know :)

_****_

_"I'm sorry"_

_Ouch._

Everything after Dean's second ~~painful~~ Dirty Deeds is a blur. He doesn't remember leaving the ring. He doesn't remember leaving the arena or getting in his car or even arriving at the hotel he is in now.

His head hurts. Both externally and internally. His jaw hurts, and his neck hurts almost as badly as his head. Everything just... _hurts_.

The most damaged though is probably his heart. He's pretty sure he left that junk broken in a million pieces at the center of the ring.

He grabs an ice pack out of the mini refrigerator his room offers and rotates between putting it on his head, jaw, and neck. It's soothing but it doesn't really help. It's just cold and making his fingers go numb. He would take some Advil, or something to relieve him of the pain. But he feels like he deserves this. He deserves being in pain. He knows what he's done. And this is just his consequence. His due of stabbing his brothers in the back, like everyone says. 

The reason behind it is pathetic and selfish and he knows it. But he did it. And its finally catching up to him.

What goes around, comes back around. Right?

He deserves to be alone too. He deserves sitting here, in the eerily quiet hotel room feeling nothing but pain and regret. Huh, he wonders if Dean felt like this..But it wouldn't have been the same, cause Dean had Roman and Seth has no one. 

-

After icing his pain a bit, he tries to sleep. But how could he. After everything that happened today, he would be surprised if he could even close his eyes. 

So he starts the think. He thinks about Dean, and how he must be feeling after having to say all of that. He thinks about the fans reaction. They probably think he deserves this too. Good. 

Then. He remembers what Dean said before his second Dirty Deeds.

_"I'm sorry."_

Sorry.

He said sorry. But why? He doesn't deserve and apology. Why would Dean apologize? He should be the one apologizing. It makes no sense..why?

No.

He's not gonna ask why anymore. He knows now. He's always known, he just never wanted to accept it. 

-

Before he even realizing, the sun is already shining through the window. 


	2. Now I've Got Myself to Blame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starts with Dean's POV
> 
> chapter title from Someone Who Cares by Three Days Grace <3

That was one hell of a night. He got little sleep with everything that happened yesterday replaying in his head over and over again.

He knows he crossed the line. And he feels guilty about it, but what's done is done. 

He reaches for his phone on the nightstand beside him and notices he has a few messages. Huh, no one usually messages him..

_3 new text messages_

_Ro: you need to go see him._

_Ro: you know how he gets. He's probably blaming himself.._

_Ro: you need to show him you still care. Cause i know you do. That little apology didn't go unheard._

Of fuckingcourse he heard it. And of course he would be worrying about their little brother when he has all this shit going on. God he misses him.

He contemplates whether he should go check on Seth or not before typing.

\- _yeah..yeah..okay.. I'll go._

Ro: _Good boy. Take care of yourselves._

_\- you too Roman._

He puts his phone back on the nightstand and tried to get up without waking Renee. But then he feels two slender arms wrap around his torso. She seems to still be sleeping, so he lays back down.

Seth is gonna have to wait. Though this does give him time to think about what he's supposed to say to the man. 

-

Seth lazily gets off the uncomfortable bed that was no use to him and walks over to his suit case in the corner of the room. He grabs what he needs to take a very much needed hot shower since he forgot to last night. 

He heads over to the bathroom and prepares the water. Then he catches sight of himself in the mirror. His hair is an utter disaster, he has dark circles under his eyes, and he needs to trim his beard.

"Damn Rollins, you're a mess.", he tells himself.

He finally gets in the shower and his body immediately relaxes with the steamy water hitting his back. He messages his scalp with his shampoo and washes his aching body then just stands under the water. He turns the water off after realizing he has been in the shower for about an hour. He grabs his towel and wraps it around his torso before stepping out of the steamy, and humid bathroom.

After putting on his clothes he decides to watch some TV. Nothing is on but some local news station, so he decides to watch that.

After a while he hears his stomach growl. He lost his appetite yesterday so he hasn't had anything in his stomach since then. But he doesn't feel like eating. He still feels a bit nauseated from not sleeping.

Then suddenly there's a knock at his door. 

"What the hell?", he says as he gets off of the bed cautiously to see who is knocking at his door.

When he opens the door..he feels his heart stop a little.

"hey.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise to update as soon as i can..i hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)


	3. So You Could Take Advantage of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait... the italics in this chapter are flashbacks. Hope you enjoy!! :) 
> 
> chapter title is from Without Me by Halsey <3

_"My real name is Joe.."_

_Seth and Dean stand just outside the curtain witnessing their big brother confess his illness. They stand there with a million emotions running through their systems._

_Shock and sadness being two of them._

_They walk out just as he's walking up the ramp and embrace each other as they try to comfort one another._

_Dean being the one trying to comfort Seth the most because he hates seeing him cry._

_They put their fist together in the signature SHIELD pose knowing that they won't be able to do that for a good long while._

_-_

_Dean and Seth go back to their locker room. Seth stands in the middle of the room looking lost, his eyes still shining with tears. Dean thinks it's kinda cute how he resembles a puppy. But he pushes that aside as he sees his little brother's lip quiver and his body shake._

_Dean pulls Seth to the couch and sits him on his lap. Seth buries his head in Deans neck and cries uncontrollably. Dean rubs his back in circles and whispers sweet, reassuring words to calm him down._

_Seth has always been the most emotional and sensitive of the three. But Dean would always be there to comfort him at any given time._

_Seth sobs soon die down and Dean feels his body relax. Dean places a kiss on top of his head and nudges Seth to sit on the couch beside him._

_"you okay now, babyboy?" Dean smirks._

_Seth laughs and pushes Dean softly._

_"yeah..m' okay." Looking at Dean with a soft smile._

_Dean stares at Seth for a moment. He looks straight at his big brown eyes and warm smile and feels..feels..he feels something, but he can't quite figure out what. He never was able to put a name to the feeling._

_He realizes he's been staring for an amount of time that most people will say is creepy and shifts his gaze to the floor._

_"We got a match tonight. You think you're okay to compete?"_

_"Always." He says with his dorky little smile._

_Dean squints his eyes at him and laughs fully knowing his reference._

_"You're such a dork, ya know that!"_

_Seth almost falls off the couch laughing. Dean loves hearing his little brother laugh, it's unique and contagious. He can't help but stifle a laugh of his own._

_He's gonna miss this..._

_-_

_They won the Tag Team titles!! Him and Dean have the Tag Team titles!! Seth couldn't be any happier than his is now!!_

_Dean and Seth embrace each other, as they always do so, in the middle of the ring._

_As they pull back.._

_Seth feels Dean's mood change but doesn't have time questioning it when he's suddenly on the ground, head throbbing in pain._

_No..no no no no. He can't let him go. He won't let him go._

_He sees Dean across from him, looking as if he's fighting his own mind._

_He won't let him go._

_"It's okay..it's okay."_

_-_

_Roman pulls into the gas station and heads into the little quick stop to buy some snacks. He buys Jojo a juice and some goldfish then he buys him and his wife bottled waters._

_He proceeds to check out and heads back to the truck. As he gets in, he notices Jojo and his wife watching something on the built in screen of the truck with saddened looks._

_"Hey babies..what's wrong? What are y'all watching?"_

_Jojo motions him to sit in the back seat next to her. He gets out the truck opens the back door immediately noticing they're watching RAW._

_He sits next to his daughter giving a glance to his wife, who is sitting on the other side of her, giving him a sympathetic look._

_Roman finally looks at the screen and sits there frozen._

_He winces as Dean Dirty Deeds their little brother onto the hard ground._

_"..I thought he had more time.."_

_He feels his wife rub his back soothingly but he can't look away from the screen._

_He watches as Dean walks away from Seth, up towards the stairs in the crowd. He notices they both have tears in their eyes._

_Seth didn't even put up a fight. He just let it happen._

_-_

_Seth lays on the concrete, head in blinding pain. He closes his eyes and hopes this is just a dream. A really fucked up dream where he looses everyone including himself._

_His worst nightmare come to life._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

"hey.."

Seth stands there frozen with the door half way open. Why would he come here? He feels himself becoming light headed and grips onto the door. 

"woah woah woah..Seth, you okay?" Dean becomes concerned once he sees him close his eyes in pain. He grabs onto Seth's arms and tries to pull him inside.

"Seth, you need to sit down..you look like you're about t- oh shit!" 

Dean catches him before he falls to the ground.

He carries Seth bridal style to the twin bed in the hotel room and lays him down sitting next to him. Seth's face is pale and he's overly warm. He seems so..frail all of a sudden.

Dean takes a rag and wets it with cold water. He then rinses the excess water and drapes it across Seth's forehead. 

Dean sits by Seth for a while noticing how he has dark smudges under his eyes. Has he not been sleeping? He's probably sleep deprived. That's probably why he passed out. 

He moves his thumb under his eyes and down his face caressing his cheek. He has that..feeling again. The feeling with no name. He hasn't felt this feeling in a while. 

He stays there staring at Seth. He doesn't want to leave him alone like this.

He contemplates just leaving and texting him later, but he goes against that.

Instead he decides to stay, laying beside Seth just to make sure he wakes up soon.


	4. Hold You Like a Hand Grenade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from House on Fire by Rise Against 
> 
> Enjoy my dudes!!! :)

_Dean grabs at his hair and yanks him towards the revealed cement of the once matted floor._

_No..no not again.._

_"please..don't do this D-Dean.." He sputters out clenching his eyes to prevent the tears from falling._

_"You did this all to yourself, Sethie!! And you know it! You're pathetic!!" Dean punches him in the jaw._

_"P-please..Dean don't do this..I'm s-sorry."_

_"Forgiveness ain't gonna cut it this time! You'll always be a dirty little scumbag! This is all your fault! You started this when you picked up that chair and drove it through my back!! All because your little pathetic ass thought someone actually loved you!! Guess what, Seth!!? No one will EVER love YOU!!" He then kisses the top of his head and proceeds to Dirty Deeds him on to the hard floor..._

_-_

He jolts awake with a scream, sweating and shaking. He realizes where he's at and covers his face with his hands and lets out a sob.

"Seth!? Are you okay!?" Dean almost trips running out of the bathroom.

Seth flinches and lets out a small shocked, broken gasp at the sight and sound of the person he really wasn't expecting or ready for.

Then, his memory starts flooding in. He remembers opening the door to see Dean there. He remembers feeling shocked and then he...remembers falling...into Dean's arms..

"Hey..you okay, man?" Dean ask in a gentle voice. The voice he only uses for Seth. 

"why..w-why are y-" Seth can barely get the words out.

"You passed out. I carried you in here and put you on the bed. I couldn't leave you by yourself cause you were pretty out of it, dude. So i just..well, i think you know the rest." He gives Seth a gentle smile. 

Seth just stares at him for a while still in shock. Brown eyes meeting blue, until he looks away. 

"umm..thanks, but you didn't have to do that. You could have just left me here and gone home. I'm sure Renee was waiting for you.." Seth looks down at his lap and plays with the loose string of the blanket. 

"It's not a problem and it's the least I could do, and I'm pretty sure Renee will understand." Dean walks towards the bed and sits near Seth's legs. "Now,.." Dean lifts Seth's chin up and looks at him concerned.."why did you wake up screaming?" 

Seth looks away and mumbles, "I uh..I had a nightmare.." 

"About what?.." Dean ask a little curious on what Seth could be having nightmares about to have him wake up like that.

"It's nothing..really.." Seth looks up and meets Dean's gaze. 

"Are you sure?.." Dean tucks a loose strand of Seth's hair behind his ear. 

Seth winces a little at Dean's sudden gesture. Why is Dean doing this? He feels like this is all a trick. He's playing with him. He's playing with the broken pieces that are left of his heart. But he'll take it.

He'll take this over him leaving any day. 

"yeah..I'm sure.." Seth gives him a little smile.

"Okay then.." Dean stares at the floor for a second. 

"Hey Seth,..I'm.." he sighs and turns towards Seth, his eyes full of regret.

Seth knows that look cause he's seen it in his own reflection many times..

"I'm sorry, Seth." 


	5. Your Name, Your Face Is All You Have Left Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deano is sorry.. But how will Seth take that? 
> 
> Chapter Title: Bitter Taste ~ Three Days Grace

The hotel room goes eerily silent. Those two words still going around in Seth's head.

Dean flinches at the sound of the hysterical but broken laugh that echos around the room.

"W-What are you sorry for Dean!!? This is ALL my fault!!" Seth's broken laughter sounds more like sobbing now.

"Seth.." Dean tries to reach out to Seth, but before he could he had an arm-full of a crying Seth.

"I-I'm so sorry Dean.." Seth tucks his head under Dean's chest. "I caused this..this is all my fault.." a wrecked sob rattles Seth's body.

Dean hugs Seth tight before grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him off him. 

Seth curls into a ball and covers his face feeling pathetic.

He feels rough but at the same time gentle hands peel his hands off and grab him by both sides of his face.

Seth's eyes are still closed and leaking tears. 

"Hey..Sethie, look at me please." Seth opens his eyes to a face full of concern. "This isn't your fault.." Dean wipes the tears off of Seth's face with his thumbs.

"..but it is.." Seth closes his eyes again as small tears start to form again..

Dean sighs looking at the pure exhaustion in Seth's features. 

"Seth..when's the last time you've had a good night sleep, huh?.." He puts his hand on his shoulder.

"..i don't know..doesn't matter anyway.." Seth gives him a little shrug and looks away. 

"Like hell it doesn't matter!! Come on..I'll run you a bath then you're going to sleep!" He pats Seth's head before jumping off the bed and heading to the bathroom. 

Seth sits there shocked and confused on what just happened.

-

Before Seth even realizes it he hears Dean yell from the bathroom. 

"Come on Princess!! The water is gonna get cold!!" 

Seth slowly gets off the bed and makes his way to the bathroom feeling a little heavy.

When he opens the bathroom door he sees Dean sitting on the edge of the tub with his hand in the water. 

Which..he now noticed had bubbles in it. 

"Ya gonna get in it or are you just gonna stare at it all night?" Dean smiles at Seth and splashes some water at him.

Seth feels kinda weird. What is he supposed to do? Get undressed in front of Dean and take a bath while he's still watching him?!

"I'll turn around if you don't want to strip in front of me Sethie.." Dean smirks and turns around facing the wall.

Seth just stares at him for a moment then quickly gets out of his clothes. He climbs into the warm, bubbly water.

Seth's body relaxes and he lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. 

Dean turns around to see Seth in the bath tub smiling.

"I knew you needed a bath, it's good to relax sometimes, Sethie." Dean then grabs the shampoo and puts some on his hand.

"Turn your back towards me a little, Princess.." Seth does just that and Dean starts massaging his scalp with his fingers.

Seth gives a satisfying hum and closes his eyes. 

After Dean is finished lathering shampoo in his hair. He grabs a cup of water and pours it on top of his head.

Seth feels..good. He's feels cared for, but at the same time he feels like he doesn't deserve it.

A tear slips down Seth's cheek. Dean notices and sighs. "Get yourself cleaned up. I'm gonna go get you some clothes."

Seth nods and grabs the soap. He finishes cleaning his body and gets his towel. He dries himself off and wraps it around his waist.

When he walks out of the bathroom he notices that Dean is starring at him. He quickly looks down and heads over to where Dean has laid out his clothes.

He feels Dean's eyes still on him before he hears, " I'll turn around again if ya want.." and he does.

Seth changes into his pajamas and dries his hair.

He walks over to the bed and sits on the edge starring at the floor.

"Is it..okay for me to stay here?" he hears Dean say. "I'll sleep on the floor if you want.." 

Seth thinks for a second before answering..

"Y-yeah. You can stay.."

"Cool.. tha- "

"But you don't have to sleep on the floor.."

**Author's Note:**

> Comment what you thought of it! :)


End file.
